My Dream Wedding: How Not To Get Married

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BEN: (sighs) My dear three Million is too expensive for a wedding reception hall

JANE: (rolls her eyes) There you go again! Always thinking small. I'm I marrying a weakling?

BEN: Please don't call me that. My salary is N250k a month,.....you know that! Where am I going to get Three Million Naira For wedding reception venue????

JANE doesn't seem to be listening.She looks away as if BEN were speaking to empty space.

BEN: (continues) You can't insist on that,it's not fair and I won't stand for it, or kill myself.

JANE: (scoffs)*HIAN!!!, I am not being wicked oh, biko!, Every woman wants the wedding of her dreams,  If you can't give me that, then I dont know what we are doing.

Long silence between THEM . BEN looks stunned, JANE looks prepped for a civil war. [Read:Why you need to stop dating married men]

BEN: (pauses) I can't afford that,I'm sorry. The marriage is more important Than the wedding. (sighs) Even if we could afford it, Afta weddin,we no go chop for house?? NAWA oh!!!

JANE: Mtcheeeeew!!!! U sef u no know before u come engage me? (disgusted) What are you saying? Did I force you???

BEN: (to himself) this girl no go kill me!!

JANE: No b ur mates wey dey Bella naija? Didn't Amaka have her reception there,at that place? Is her husband not your junior by a year? (waves him away) ABEGGI!!!!

The cost of my wedding dress is N500k
The rings will cost N1.5M (points a finger) Amaka's husband spent N3m for their rings And you say I'm being unreasonable?

BEN: Chineke!!! Are you comparing Me to your best friend's husband? (shocked) Amaka's husband manages an oil block, Me I be civil servant! How can......?

JANE: (interrupts) I don't think we are right for each other John (Shakes head) You're not ready for marriage! I MUST have a "society wedding" And I don't think we can live on N250k a month.

BEN: suddenly looks pale

JANE: (calmly) I think we should call the whole thing off. If you can't give me what I want theres no need. (pauses) I don't even think we should be together.

The air around them is deathly still,as if time itself were holding its breath.


JANE: (continues) Listen,I love you...I really do But I can't have a cheap wedding. (shakes head) I no fit fall ma hand for dis town like that,  What would people say??? Please let's end it here abeg, Go and find a "cheap" Girl to marry.

After another two weeks of fighting,JANE & BEN called off their engagement,cancelled the wedding and broke up.

"I won't lie to myself", Jane was telling her friend Amaka later. "I loved him,but sometimes love isn't enough....I deserve a dream wedding," she declared finally.

JANE is currently dating some rich politician. BEN is still single.

Image courtesy of sandhillsweddingexpo.com
My friend STANLEY  is an artist. He paints very well. His paintings cost somewhere between N15,000,00-N25,000,00 a piece(I.e if and when he manages to make a sale)

Every morning,he and his girlfriend,JULIET (one of the prettiest women I've met in my life)would find a busy street in GRA, park by the side of the road and display STANLEY's Paintings for people to buy.

Most times they'd stand in the sun for hours while they marketed his paintings.They are both graduates by the way.Their only shade from the blazing sun was STANLEY'S old HONDA(which was basically an ancient-looking vehicle that "Jiggled" violently and made loud "sputtering" sounds while he drove it.

There were times I'd see the two of them practically chasing after cars caught in traffic in a bid to sell the paintings.

Anyway,STANLEY JULIET got married in September last year. Now,when I say "small" wedding,I mean...."SMALL" wedding. At the reception,The number of guests was somewhere between 50-60 people(this included the ushers and the DJ)

There was no MC and no "High-table".The DJ was very good(though he kept on playing "High-Life" music.... Which I thought was very annoying......I mean who does that?).

Their rings cost N45k(altogether) And JULIET'S wedding gown N35k

Anyway,it was one of the happiest AND simplest weddings I've ever attended. The couple had their "Honey-moon"at GRACE MANOR hotel in NSUKKA.  They were there for about five nights(because that's what the groom could afford)


What's interesting is, at the hotel STANLEY ran into a director for a multinational company he'd applied to for a contract years ago.

Today, STANLEY  has an insanely BIG contract with a multinational Company in ENUGU State(I SHIT YOU NOT!!).His Painting business is now a "side business"

A guy that could barely afford fuel for his car,now can't seem to make up his mind what part of the world to take his wife to.

If JULIET had demanded for a "dream wedding" would they be where they are today?

Don't quote me wrong, I'm no cheapskate but what's more important the wedding or the marriage? You decide

Life is a choice my friend, So choose wisely. A word is enough  for the wise. 

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